Falcor, Logos and Arrested for What?

Ugh sorry for the UBER delay between posts people.  I’ve been a busy bee!  Traveled to Long Island and back within a day, and managed to get myself sick. Is there anything worse than being sick?  Bleh.

Today, I was thinking about the Understanding Law class I took in high school.   I sorta kinda remember our teacher telling us about ridiculous laws that were put in place back in the 1800’s and never revised for current law!

Some of these crack me up.  I’ve just added “break every single one of these laws” to my bucket list.

Alabama
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church
Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

Arizona
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term.

Arkansas
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Colorado
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor (Denver).

Connecticut
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces.

Delaware
It’s illegal to get married on a dare.

Washington, D.C.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.

Florida
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Hawaii
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat.

Idaho
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds.

Illinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.

Kansas
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits (Natoma).

Kentucky
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.

Louisiana
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault.

Maine
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined.

Maryland
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore).

Massachusetts
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car.

Michigan
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

Minnesota
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet (Harper Woods).

Mississippi
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance).

Missouri
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns.

Montana
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

Nebraska
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously.

Nevada
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women.

New Hampshire
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt

New Jersey
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico
Females may not appear unshaven in public.

New York
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.

North Carolina
It’s against the law to sing off-key.

North Dakota
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual.

Oklahoma
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger.

Oregon
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried.

Pennsylvania
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Rhode Island
You may not bite off another person’s leg.

South Carolina
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.

South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

Texas
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Utah
It is illegal not to drink milk.

Vermont
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Virginia
Tickling a woman is unlawful.

Washington
It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy.

West Virginia
If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence.

Wisconsin
Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant.

Wyoming
Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April.

I’ve noticed over the past few years that I have a keen eye for logos.  I can look at a logo and remember the product/company fairly easily.

I noticed some screaming similarities in these two:

Walgreens and The Washington Nationals Baseball team:

and most recently noticed, that the Cascade and Stumble Upon logo are very similar.

Really similar RIGHT?!

And Lastly, Victoria Beckham really looks like Falcor from The Never Ending Story.

If you don’t get this reference because you’ve never seen this movie.  RUN to … well a computer and put it on your Netflix list.

But seriously WOW what a resemblence.  So excited for Posh and Becks to have a baby girl though!

Today’s music comes from Graffiti6.  I’m totally loving this band as of late.

listening to Foxes by Graffiti6 on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/y70h  #nowplaying

listening to Annie You Save Me by Graffiti6 on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/y70e  #nowplaying

Enjoy!

xoxo shu

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Social Cues, License Plates, and Piglets

I started thinking about social cues and how some people don’t interpret them well.  So I figured I’d feature general social rules to abide by.

  • Don’t talk to be about serious things before 10am.  I am not really listening and don’t want to be held accountable for facts shared during this time.  (I realize I’m notorious for doing this to other people, haha)
  • Have we met? No? Then don’t talk to me in the elevator.  I don’t know who you are, I can’t get more than 4 feet away from you and I don’t want to talk about the weather.
  • If I will be interacting with you more than twice in a day, don’t ask me how I am every time I see you.  Chances are, I’m still the same as I was earlier today.  You know who you are you chipper folk, you……YOU.
  • If I give you a ton of excuses, and you keep finding ways around it, stop.  You think you’re being helpful, but I really don’t want to do whatever you are trying to convince me to do, so I’m using excuses to soften the blow.

Not trying to come across as a meanie or anything.  Alright maybe I am.  Tough love people.

So I sincerely feel like I’ve had a lack of crazy people in my life lately.  I mean there are the usual, socially acceptable crazies, but no one really out there.  I’m just waiting for the next crazy bird.  The next homeless barker asking us what we are doing with that beautiful Jeep they can’t call their own.  Now just picture that sentence being repeated with barks in between words, missing teeth, a weird smell and way less understandable.  I am a weird person magnet and I love it.  Where are you crazies?  I miss you.

Anyway,  I’m not sure I’ve ever expressed my desire to have a pet piglet.  I like pigs I guess.  I don’t like to eat them, but having one as a pet seems so fun.  You can go around telling people, “I have a pet pig.”  Not everyone can say that.

Get real if you don’t think that’s kind of adorable.  Anyone know of any mini pig breeders around here?  Hit me up.

If you’re bored this weekend, here are a few things you can do to kill time.  I’m not going to say fun because, well, you make your own fun.

  • Leave notes in books at Barnes and Noble for future readers.
  • Create photo evidence that you had an amazing weekend and went on all sorts of adventures that you really didn’t. (Fiction in Photographs, great concept.)
  • Go to a nice neighborhood and draw chalk outlines of bodies.

If you don’t like these ideas, so sorry, but shouldn’t you have plans this weekend, Geek?

I was thinking about driving and how yesterday, March 9th, was the 10 year anniversary of the day I got my license.  Do you remember what a huge deal that was?  Talk about freedom.  I started thinking about how I really wanted an Eclipse until kids all around the tri-state area started getting in car accidents within these death trap cars.  Then I switched my pleas towards Range Rovers.  Nice and big and protect-y.  Anyway, I came across this hilarious vanity plate, and thought I’d share:

He probably doesn’t mind because….it’s a Jeep.  Love Jeeps but, get a clue.  If that’s all you got from the divorce, go back and re-negotiate.

Ok so what would this blog be if I didn’t mention Daniel Tosh?  This is a great clip, enjoy.

Cold Steel Blade http://t.co/lKoxPk4

Today’s music brings me back to pre-college.  Love this band and love these songs!

listening to If You Don’t, Don’t by Jimmy Eat World on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/76Ep #nowplaying #musicmonday

listening to My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/k5bt #nowplaying #musicmonday

listening to Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/k5bM #nowplaying #musicmonday

Enjoy,

xoxo

shu

Finger Art, Beach Boys and Charity Bike Rides

Hey-o all.  Hope you had a nice weekend.  If you missed Tosh.0’s stand up comedy special last night on Comedy Central at 10p, shame on you.  He is febreezing homeless people and giving advice to Katrina victims while standing awkwardly upright.  Truly great.

I went outlet shopping with a few of my friends last week and I came across this work of art in the Zales jewelry store.

In case you are wondering what you should be looking at, it is the alien nails growing out of that lady’s fingers.  And they are REAL.  I apologize for the lack luster picture, but her sugar daddy was hovering behind me and made me feel awkward about taking pictures of his baby’s hands.

This lady’s motto was go long and gross or go home with regards to fingernail growing.  She had BOTH sides of her nails painted because they were so thick.  Tell me that cashier has any idea what this lady is looking for.  How can you focus on sales while mesmerized by her nail growing technique?  What is this lady eating?  Pure human protein?  I hope she doesn’t spook easily, and she handles her nerves well.  She’d break a tooth gnawing on those nails.

Anyway.  Came across this facts generator the other day.  Pretty interesting way to kill the first 15 minutes at work when you’re really not fully awake yet.

www.mentalfloss.com/amazingfactgenerator%253Fp%253D1016

Did you know Julia Childs was 6 feet 2 inches tall?!  The things you learn.

So quick plug:

My brother is totally awesome and is doing a bike ride for Charity at the end of this summer.  It’s called the California Coast Classic.  It is from Sept 17th thru the 24th and covers 525 miles in an attempt to raise money for the Arthritis Foundation.

Our dad is really big into cycling.  In fact, he blogged about his epic trip two summers ago from Seattle, Washington to Cape May, New Jersey.  This journey took him 65 days to complete and he raised over $60,000 for the Arthritis Foundation.  This year, he was named Chairman of the Board of Directors for the foundation and they even turned him into a bobble head.  Look:

So all in all, if you’re feeling charitably sound this day, by all means, put your monetary donations Caleb’s way.  Here is the link to donate:

http://cccsocal.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=451161&lis=0&kntae451161=C4BB19387F124D8B982BEE877980058F&supId=322547360

Today’s music comes from the BEACH BOYS!  A classic feel good summer band that oddly enough is still performing shows!  Both my birthday and my dad’s birthday fall in the month of August.  And it just so happens that this year, right smack in the middle of our b-days, the Beach Boys are playing at Longwood Gardens!  We are “totally” there.

listening to Winter Symphony by The Beach Boys on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/DuVa  #nowplaying #musicmonday

listening+to Time to Get Alone by The Beach Boys on @Grooveshark:   #nowplaying #musicmonday http://t.co/9QDc7mf

listening to Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/dWo9  #nowplaying #musicmonday

Enjoy,

xoxo

shu

Tipping and Talented Youth.

Tips for Tipping:  #1 learn how to do it before eating out.

Seeing as I’ve been working in the restaurant business since 99′, I’ve seen it all.  The drunk Canadian felon that asks you to be their personal assistant, gives you the Gorillaz CD and later gets tasered in the parking lot.  The lonely old man that makes passes at all the servers and seems to have one less tooth with each new visit.  The lawyer with outdated glasses, a Finlandia addiction and a gambling problem.  The teacher that eats in the restaurant three times a week and tips almost 100%.  And last but not least, the notorious red sangria drinking, color contact wearing, insanely bad tipping, solo woman.

A few summers ago, when Oprah announced during the recession that 10% tipping was OK, I was outraged.  I realized that Oprah has probably never worked in a restaurant and needed something to boost ratings as her show comes to a close.  But it occurred to me that most people have not worked in a restaurant at any point in their lives.  It comes down to lack of experience on the tipping front.

So I’m taking it upon myself to educate my blog readers on the basics of tipping properly.

  • When you stiff us, we actually PAY money to the restaurant.

This is a common misconception.  You “dine and dash” in a corporate restaurant, damn the man, right?  WRONG.  The servers are responsible for keeping an eye on their tables.  So when you dash, the server is 100% responsible for that table.  You build up $100 bill, the server must come up with $100 to pay for that.  And not to mention the tip share they owe their bartenders, hosts and bussers.  Soooooo don’t do that.  Get your sweet thrills from rolling thru stop signs and buying scratch off lottery tickets.

  • 20% is standard

20% is the norm, not 15, not 18, 20.  There are plenty of tip calculator apps if you are mathematically challenged.

  • Don’t double the tax

Whoever invented that method didn’t feel like doing percentages.

  • If you are particularly high maintenance, come in 15 minutes before closing or say the phrase “we haven’t seen each in other in a while, we’re going to be here all night,”  prepare to tip accordingly.  And by accordingly I mean, a lot.

No real clarification needed on that rule, yes?

  • Don’t punish the server for things out of their control.

The servers aren’t cooking the food.  They aren’t controlling the wait time.  They don’t choose the music in the restaurant.  So don’t punish them when your tuna tar tar takes longer than you’d hoped.  Don’t punish them when you go 20 minutes over your expected wait time.

**EXTRA  When you transfer your drink from the bar, don’t forget to tip your bartender.  They still took the time to pay attention to you while you waited.

Ok, feel free to call me with questions.  Now you know.

Onto a music front — I LOVE this site:

http://www.jontylercore.com/wisdom

It has great lyric quotes from ton’s of great bands!

Today’s music comes from Anna Graceman.

This little 11-year-old girl wrote a lullaby for her little cousin.

Seriously, what are they putting in Lucky Charms these days to make for such talented youngsters?

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504784_162-20038835-10391705.html

Enjoy,

xoxo shu